FRIDAY
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Rod &
Kubby. Photo by Bob Gentry, ©2002 by Stanyan Entertainment Group.
A Thought for Today
If you got news of something this week
that made life a little lighter for you, don’t forget to give a little
sunshine back.
PASS IT
MALONG
Lots of leftover turkey today. Anyone for hash.
GROANER AT NOTRE DAME
Gary sent me this and I liked it so much I read it at my last two
concerts.
TWO RING-A-DING-DINGS
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral
of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell
ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews
personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to
call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that
he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was
incredulous, "You have no arms!," he exclaimed.
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment and delight; he was convinced he had
finally found the replacement for Quasimodo!
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped
and plunged headlong out of the belfry window, to his death in the street
below.
The stunned bishop rushed down and to his side. When he reached the
street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the
beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a
bell."
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed
heavily on his heart due to the death of the armless campanologist, the
bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of
the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this sacred duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's
brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned,
clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?"
the first monk asked, breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but... he's a dead
ringer for his brother."
OH, GOD
Dolores sends along a true airmail note.
THE LETTER
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of
the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down
to Earth to check it out. So he called one of his angels to Earth for a
time.
When the angel returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth 95% are
misbehaving and 5% are not".
He thought for a moment and said, "maybe I had better send down a second
angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent her to
Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned she went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in
decline, 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good".
God was not amused. So he decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because
he wanted to encourage them...give them a little something to help them
keep going.
Do you know what the E-mail said?
You didn't get one either, huh?
OH MEN! OH WOMEN!
Pass it along, “Jim gives good head – lines & quips.”
MARRIED I CAN ALWAYS GET
You have two choices in life: You can stay single
and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I
married the wrong man."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let
her keep him.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in
Canada.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And
the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with
the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
----------------------------------------------------------
First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still
alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a baldhead and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the
opposite sex.
LIFE IN THE LOCKER ROOM
Ann, why do I get the feeling you’ve been hanging around the men’s locker
room too long?
GO FOR IT
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A
cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this
beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the
options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house
we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer,
but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room
are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this
phone belongs to?"
Sleep warm and drive carefully over what’s left of this holiday weekend.
I’ll be back tomorrow with something for the last day of the month.
RM 11/27/02 2:40 PM PST
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posted November 25.
ROD McKUEN
CONCERTS & APPEARANCES
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