SATURDAY
STUFF |
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Rod & Sunny: Photo by Bob Gentry
8/5/1999
A Thought for Today
We lack veneration for nearly everything. Intelligence, order, compassion and particularly our elders.
AUTUMN LEAVES
This is from Coral and is very much worth the time it takes to read.
HEADING TOWARD NOVEMBER
I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago
whose husband unexpectedly died of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insight with a classroom of students.
As the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the
classroom windows and the class was nearly over, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, "Before class is over, I would like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.
Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves. None of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God's way of telling us that we must make the most out of every single day."
Her eyes beginning to water, she went on, "So I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see, it could be a
scent - perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or it could be the sound of the breeze
slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life.
The little things we are put here on earth to enjoy the things we often take for granted. We must make it important to
notice them, for at any time... it can all be taken away." The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently.
That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from
school than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate
all of those things that sometimes we all overlook.
Take notice of something special you see on your lunch hour
today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double-dip ice cream cone.
As we get older, it is not the things we did that we often
regret, but the things we didn't do.
HA! HA! FOR HALLOWEEN
. . . and who else would send it but Stargirl who
writes:
"Happy ghosties and ghoulies and long leggity beasties to ye. Love
Starthingy!"
BOO
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had sex. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you.... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
FIFTY WAYS TO LOVE YOUR LOVER
Sterling from Texas sent this nice Saturday list.
THE YOU CAN 'T GO WRONG LIST
Fifty Ways to Love Your Partner
1. Love yourself first.
2. Start each day with a hug.
3. Serve breakfast in bed.
4. Say "I love you" every time you part ways.
5. Compliment freely and often.
6. Appreciate - and celebrate - your differences.
7. Live each day as if it's your last.
8. Write unexpected love letters.
9. Plant a seed together and nurture it to maturity.
10. Go on a date once every week.
11. Send flowers for no reason.
12. Accept and love each other's family and friends.
13. Make little signs that say "I love you" and post them all over the house.
14. Stop and smell the roses.
15. Kiss unexpectedly.
16. Seek out beautiful sunsets together.
17. Apologize sincerely.
18. Be forgiving.
19. Remember the day you fell in love - and recreate it.
20. Hold hands.
21. Say "I love you" with your eyes.
22. Let her cry in your arms.
23. Tell him you understand.
24. Drink toasts of love and commitment.
25. Do something arousing.
26. Let her give you directions when you're lost.
27. Laugh at his jokes.
28. Appreciate her inner beauty.
29. Do the other person's chores for a day.
30. Encourage wonderful dreams.
31. Commit a public display of affection.
32. Give loving massages with no strings attached.
33. Start a love journal and record your special moments.
34. Calm each other's fears.
35. Walk barefoot on the beach together.
36. Ask her to marry you again.
37. Say yes.
38. Respect each other.
39. Be your partner's biggest fan.
40. Give the love your partner wants to receive.
41. Give the love you want to receive.
42. Show interest in the other's work.
43. Work on a project together.
44. Build a fort with blankets.
45. Swing as high as you can on a swingset by moonlight.
46. Have a picnic indoors on a rainy day.
47. Never go to bed mad.
48. Put your partner first in your prayers.
49. Kiss each other goodnight.
50. Sleep like spoons.
AH WOMEN, AMEN
Cora reminds:
"You may have heard a few of these, but then . .
"
LAUGH LINES
"Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of itas the only time of the month that I can be myself." - Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -Billy Crystal
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten." - George Carlin
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
don't like and just give her a house." - Lewis Grizzard
"The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there is a man on base." - Dave Barry
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?" - Marilyn Pittman
"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim..." - Paula Poundstone
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realise, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner!" - Lynda Montgomery
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' " - Richard Jeni
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead". - Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" - Warren Hutcherson
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" - Marsha Warfield
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself." - Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. - A. Whitney Brown
THE GROANING Q. & A
All groans should be directed to Kyletta Miller.
ASK ME A SILLY QUESTION . . . AND
How do you catch a wild rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!
What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
Polaroid's
What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko
.
What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
What Do You Call Skydiving Lawyers?
Skeet.
How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
GOOD NEWS
Hi Rod, Here's part of an interview with Johnny Cash in The Tennessean - Oct. 22, 2000. Love
Ann.
Dear Ann, very good news indeed.
JOHNNY CASH
Peter Cooper: Are doctors still saying that your health problems are caused by Shy-Drager syndrome?
Johnny Cash: That was a misdiagnosis. I do not have Shy-Drager syndrome. My doctor told me in November that if I'd had it, I'd be dead by now.
She said, "You're getting better, so you don't have Shy-Drager's. And you don't have Parkinson's."
I'm in better health than I have been in a year or two. I worked all day yesterday in my yard. I pruned my grape vines yesterday. I've got grapes and muscadines. I've got fig trees that the winter tries to kill, but I'm covering them with hay to protect them from the cold.
THE LAST WORD
"Anyone who thinks we were better off eight years ago than we are now is less that eight years old."
-Jerry Seinfeld on ET 10/26/2000
See you tomorrow with "Some of the Best." Sleep warm tonight and sleep an hour late (thanks to the rollback of Daylight Savings Time.)
RM 10/27/2000 Previously unpublished
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