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Photo by Bob Gentry ©2001
Stanyan Entertainment
A Thought for Today
The rhyme is in the rowing of the boat -
straight-ahead, not veering except to take on passengers. Steady hands
circle sturdy paddles propelling us forever forward.
-from: Book of Days
Friday again and after
cleaning out the bottom of the birdcage we concentrate on what’s left in
the E-mail box. They include three gems from Nicky Williams.
NO MEANS NO CHICAGO STYLE
This came from Bablaca and
it’s a bit of heaven.
PRESERVING THE EVIDENCE
Woman Takes
Bite Out Of Crime Suspect
Chicago Sun-Times
A woman
walked into Chicago police headquarters early Friday morning holding an
unusual piece of evidence: a pair of testicles she said she'd bitten off
an attacker.
The 42-year-old Evanston woman told police she fought back after a man
forced her to perform oral sex on him. Police put the testicles in a
biohazard evidence container because the man was nowhere to be found, Sgt.
Robert Cargie said. Then a man turned up at Michael Reese Hospital and
Medical Center. Police "put two and two together," Cargie said.
LETTERS WE ONLY READ THE HEADLINE OF DEPT:
A lot of E-Mail comes my way,
much more than I had bargained for when I entered the world of the net.
Once in a while a non intriguing slug line pops up and I don’t even bother
opening the letter. I just trashed such a post without reading it. Here’s
the subject matter:
.
“NEW PMS FUN PAGE”
Thanks but no thanks
HONK IF YOU’RE A GOOSE
Here’s another bumper crop of
Bummer Stickers from Andrea Robb.
MY BUMPER IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BUMPER
My other
car is a broom
Honk if you're illiterate
I may be a cruel and heartless bitch, but I'm damn good at it!
Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
Caution: Blonde Thinking
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
A day without sunshine is like... night
Don't take my signals literally.
Earth First--We'll screw up the other planets later
Fight crime, shoot back
Caution: Driver applying makeup
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu?
Honk if you hate noise pollution
CAUTION: Driver Singing
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I have PMS and a gun. Any questions??!
Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.
Clap one hand if you love Buddha
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
DO NOT REMOVE: STICKER COVERS BIRD CRAP.
GROANERS
“So Bad, They're Good” is the
only comment Nicky Williams offers as she boldly sends these across the
pond. We’ll be the judge of that, Nicky.
OH NO! OH YES!
Two vultures
board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks
at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
~~~~~~
Did you hear
that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into
low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
~~~~~~~
Two boll
weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
two weevils.
~~~~~~~
Two Eskimos
sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it, too.
~~~~~~~
A three legged
dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and
announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
~~~~~~~
Did you hear
about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.
~~~~~~~
A group of
chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
~~~~~~~
A woman has
twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in
Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name
him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
~~~~~~~
These friars
were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist
shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"
them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
proving that: "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars".
~~~~~~~
And
finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to
friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
(I say Give her The Hook . . . well, maybe next time.)
PET OF THE WEEK
Nicky Williams thinks this is
the ‘pick of the litter.’
DON’T RUSH ME
This guy
lived on his own and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet
shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggested an
unusual pet, a talking millipede.
OK, thought the man, I'll give it a go, so he bought one and took it home.
That night he decided to test out his new pet, so he opened the box and
said, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?"
There was no reply. He tried again,
"Oi, millipede, wanna come to the boozer with me?"
Again, no response. So the man ranted and raved for a bit, but after a
while decided to give it one more try before he took the thing back to the
shop. So he took the lid off the box and repeated, "I said I'm going to
the pub for a drink do you want to come?"
"I heard you the first time" snapped the millipede, "I'm just putting my
f***ing shoes on"
MEN OF STEEL
Nicky redeems herself with
this one.
SLOW STARTER
A
steelworker walks into a construction site and applies for a job. The site
foreman is impressed by his job references and past experiences. He looks
fit and has a good personality. The Forman is on the verge of offering the
man a job when he notices a break of six months in his employment record.
The foreman asks, "what were you doing for six months? The steel fixer
shuffles his feet a bit and replies " There was an
accident on site and I was injured with a disk cutter"
.
"That's awful "says the foremen, "was it a bad injury"?
The steel fixer shuffles his feet even more and replies "its not
something I would want passed around the site, but the disk cutter caught
me in the groin and they had to amputate both my testicles in hospital
later".
"Well I can see why you wouldn't want that known,” said the foreman. "You
look fit enough now and your references are excellent so start tomorrow
morning"
.
"That great" says the steelworker, "what time do you start on this site"?
"Well" says the foreman "we start at 8.00am here, but we normally stand
around scratching our balls for the first couple of hours, so you can come
in at ten".
Sleep warm.
RM 5/24/2001 Previously
unpublished
Booking for "An Evening with
Rod McKuen" at the Riverton Rendezvous is open! Click below for
more details:
Riverton Concert Details
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