SATURDAY
STUFF |
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Christmas 2000, photo by Bob Gentry ©2000 Stanyan Entertainment
A Thought for Today
Stick with me, Baby, and in three days it'll be Christmas.
A COUPLE OF LETTERS
A dip into the mail bag . . .
SANTA & THE ROD McKUEN ACTION FIGURE
Hi Rod! Merry Christmas! looking at our picture in today's flight plan has allowed me to see a part of you, I've always imagined but never confirmed...until now. I should say the "Santa-Merlin" is quite "like you" you constantly make people feel happy...(its an understatement--I know) at the same time inject a bit of smart-ass wickedness in your not so common tricks...and surprises. The doll in the picture is beautiful. What's it called? Or is it especially made for you...or inspired by you (you know, like the ones you see at the stores--porcelain dolls of Princess Di or celebrity dolls like "Britney Spears and the N*Sync") love always, Chai Cebu, Philippines
Thanks for the Kudos, Chai. Mattel is working on the Rod McKuen Action Figure even as we speak. But it's not one of those fly by night Santa types, dreary 'Ken's' or some wimpy In Sync member. This guy is anatomically correct to yours truly. 32"
waist, my famous Mr. America pectorals, eat your heart out Arnold & Sly thighs and all my other killer attributes. Ralph Lauren designed a different pair of
jeans for each day of the week and Keds matched the sneakers to them. We abandoned the thong for boxers (some of us fancy dancers require a larger ballroom.)
This man-toy should be on sale by next Christmas at K-Mart, Pic & Save and other fine outlets.
I brought back The Father Christmas in the picture from one of my visits to Russia and its part of Edward's Santa Collection.
Happy Holidays, Rod.
PAIN IN POETRY
Dear Mr. McKuen -I have been a long admirer of your work, even since my college days some 25 years ago. over the years, I have attempted to write poetry and usually I'm
moved to write it after a woman has torn my heart out.
I am in such a period of heartache right now and find that your words so precisely captures feelings. Indeed, so much of your poetry deals with being on the losing side of love. When you write, are you experiencing these feelings at the time?
Are your poems written from memories of loss from yesterday? Or is it totally intuitive, your inspiration? Big fan, Milford Prewitt
Dear Milford, of course poetry springs from a combination of feelings, inspiration and talent. Getting kicked in the head by someone you love can help you to express your feelings but can also hinder your perspective.
Yes to all the questions you've asked. At times I write while going through a difficult or happy experience and on other occasions the memory of a particular time or feeling can trigger a poem. The situation is different every time. I like the unpredictability of inspiration.
Sorry you're passing through a particularly tough time at the moment, but it will pass. Warmly, Rod
WHERE & WHEN?
Dear Mr. McKuen, Last Christmas I was so excited to find your site. My husband of 24 1/2 years is a die-hard fan of yours. I ordered your CD The Sea and received it after Christmas. I printed a copy of the order blank and wrapped it for him. He was shocked to find that you had released some CD's as he wore out the albums he owns.
At that time I read everything on your site and I remember seeing you were considering a tour.
So where? When? We are waiting! This would be the PERFECT 25th anniversary gift
for him. Name the city and we will be there. May 29th is our wedding date; can we count on you?
I have ordered your Listen to the Warm and Christmas in New England for him this year but the concert would be the ULTIMATE gift! PLEASE? With waiting anticipation,
Carol Swanstrom
Dear Carol, Thanks for the nice words on behalf of you and your husband, they are much appreciated.
As to concerts, we are having some trouble booking them because I haven't appeared in performance for a dozen years and today's mostly young promoters are reluctant to take a chance on what they feel is an "untried" by today's standards quotient.
The original plan was to do a tour this coming fall; but that hasn't materialized as yet so there may not be one. The good news is that on Thursday I announced two concerts in the Chicago area that will take place the second weekend in March. (Aurora Illinois On the 10th and Madison Wisconsin on the 11th.) Depending on the outcome of ticket sales these may be the only two concerts I'll do in 2001. You can get ticket info on them by pulling up the 12/21/2000 Flight Plan.
Thanks again for asking, Carol Hope to see you there. With Affection, Rod
. . . AND SOME SATURDAY STUFF
And now for the even lighter side of today.
WHAT IF?
Beth asks:
"Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men?"
AND THE ANSWER IS
They would have asked directions,
Arrived on time,
Helped deliver the baby,
Cleaned the stable,
Made a casserole,
Brought practical gifts and
There would be Peace On Earth.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
This one came from several sources.
AREN'T CELL PHONES WONDERFUL?
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful coat. It's absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $950,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $920,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"
"Bye...I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
PIE CHART
Sharon Sewell is the sender of this one.
A HELPING HAND
In a country home that seldom had guests, a young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests.
When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest.
The boy came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE
This arrived today from Susan Badger.
OH, THAT EXPLAINS IT
Why God Never Received Tenure At Any University
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no reference.
It wasn't published in a referenced journal.
Some even doubt that he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went wrong he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When the subjects did not behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely comes to class, just tells students to read the book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there are only ten requirements, most students fail his tests.
His office hours are infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
THE FACTS OF LIFE
Beth writes:
"Happy Holidays."
Then she proceeds to make them even brighter by offering the following.
DID YOU KNOW
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they
would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to
sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't know even exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good
comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you
want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.
13. Always remember complements you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they're great.
I hope your shopping is done, but if it isn't, be careful in the car
and practice caution in the mall. Don't let anyone get you riled and watch those credit cards. The bills usually get home before you do. Sleep warm.
RM 12/23/2000 Previously unpublished
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