Photo by Bob Gentry ©2001
A Thought for Today
Conscience is the hardest weight to lift.
Some comments on items that appeared this week.
THOUSAND OAKS VS AURORA
Hey, Aurora got a 4-song encore and we only got 3! You march your cute little butt back to Thousand Oaks and finish that show, Mister. And, to teach you a lesson, you can just start from the beginning and do the whole thing over again. Please, please, please. Ann
Dear Ann, But look at it this way, they didn't get "The Summer's Long" or "I Think of You." As ever, Rod
Did you really do "Port of Amsterdam" in both Act 1 & Act 2 in Thousand Oaks - as listed in the concert rundowns on today's [Monday]
web page? And you didn't do "Seasons in the Sun" in Thousand Oaks? Or is that just a typo because it isn't listed twice for Aurora. Wade.
Dear Wade, It was a computer error. My eyes not re-reading what I typed in the first place, knowing the computer would do it for me. Rod
Wade also mentioned that I talked about both a 6000 and a 600 copy First Edition of the ASPTL Book & CD Set being
misstuffed with the same CD in both pockets. He hopes it was the latter figure. Alas, Wade, no. The correct number is six thousand.
And, thanks to all of you who offered to help re-stuff CD's on April Fool's Day. I think we can handle it, but if not I'll yell.
PASS IT ALONG
Round up the usual and unusual suspects.
THIS ITEM DESERVES PRIDE OF PLACE
This arrived from typemeister Richard Kegler who writes:
"Very interesting........I thought you would like this one! You
gotta pass this one on!"
LEADING BY EXAMPLE
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at leased 2 businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of
idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
The beautiful, bodacious and all around hot tomato, Madame Berzinsky, provided us with this 'Ladies Who lunch' tale.
WE SHOULD HAVE PUT THE TOP DOWN
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. They could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went right through it again. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh shit! Am I driving?
LESSON OF THE DAY
"It's so important to learn something new every day. Here's what I learned today."
THE BIRDS & THE BEES
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared.
The young man said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?'
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot; I was just wondering if you were my son."
SEX DISCRIMINATION LAWSUITS ANYONE?
As I suspected all along Our Rose is a disgruntled employee who is probably packing heat. Glad I'm not her boss.
Q: What's the difference between your boss and the subway?
A: Sometimes you miss the subway.
Q: What's the difference between your boss and time?
A: You can kill time.
Q: Why won't the postman go to your boss's house?
A: Because his dog's mean, too.
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and your boss?
A: One's a relentless, pain-inflicting bloodsucker. The
other's an insect.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A POET DEPT.
Puppyrsr passed this along with the following message:
"Don't know whether you've seen this, but knowing how you feel about our president thought you might enjoy reading it."
And how do I feel about our president? He's our president, what's to do, what's to
ODE TO A GRECIAN EARN
Below is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W. The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic reasons only by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson:
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being
and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!
A BUG WALKS INTO A BAR
"Dear Rod, Sometimes it's the little ones that make me chuckle the most. BJ"
THE WORLD'S FIRST SHAGGY GRASSHOPPER STORY
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Fred?"
THIS WEEKS BUMMER STICKERS
These are the newest set of slogans from Rose.
SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY ALIVE BECAUSE . . .
. . . .it is illegal to shoot them
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots... and I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
I said "NO" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
THE LAST WORD
Here's Sue Richardson's take on why we should all exercise. Not.
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is.
3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
10. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
11. And last, but not least, I don't jog - it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
Tomorrow I'll be back with more "Saturday Stuff." Sleep warm.
RM 03/22/01 Previously unpublished