SATURDAY STUFF

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A Thought for Today

Reason may not always win the argument, but it wakes the mind up.

Don't look for a theme in today's Flight Plan. This "stuff" is all over the map. 

TRUE FRIENDS

This came from Kyletta & Coral the same day. That hardly seems strange since both are among the most prolific contributors to Friday and Saturday Flight Plans. Nice story too. 

THE LONG WALK

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years.

He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road that led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for
them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

THE REST OF THE STORY

Rod, A friend of mine forwarded this to me. I can't vouch for the facts but it certainly places some history in relationship context. Enjoy, Brent

THE BRIEF FACTS ON THE ISRAELI CONFLICT TODAY

(takes 1.5 mins to read) Jew and non-Jew, it doesn't matter. It makes sense and it's not slanted.

Nationhood and Jerusalem

Israel became a nation in 1312 B.C.E., 2,000 years before the rise of Islam.

Arab refugees in Israel began identifying themselves as part of a Palestinian people in 1967, two decades after the establishment of the modern State of Israel.

Since the Jewish conquest in 1272 B.C.E., the Jews have had dominion over the land for one thousand years with a continuous presence in the land for the past 3,300 years.

The only Arab dominion since the conquest in 635 C.E. lasted no more than 22 years.

For over 3,300 years, Jerusalem has been the Jewish capital. Jerusalem has never been the capital of any Arab or Muslim entity. Even when the Jordanians occupied Jerusalem, they never sought to make it their capital, and Arab leaders did not come to visit.

Jerusalem is mentioned over 700 times in Tanach, the Jewish Holy Scriptures. Jerusalem is not mentioned once in the Koran.

King David founded the city of Jerusalem.
Mohammed never came to Jerusalem.

Jews pray facing Jerusalem. Muslims pray with their backs toward Jerusalem.

Arab Refugees and Jewish Refugees

In 1948 the Arab refugees were encouraged to leave Israel by Arab leaders promising to purge the land of Jews.

Sixty-eight percent of the Arab refugees left without ever seeing an Israeli soldier. The Jewish refugees were forced to flee from Arab lands due to Arab brutality, persecution and pogroms.

The number of Arab refugees who left Israel in 1948 is estimated to be around 630,000. The number of Jewish refugees from Arab lands is estimated to be the same.

Arab refugees were intentionally not absorbed or integrated into the Arab lands to which they fled, despite the vast Arab territory.

Out of the 100,000,000 (one hundred million) Arab refugees since World War II, theirs is the only refugee group in the world that has never been absorbed or integrated into their own peoples' lands.

Jewish refugees were completely absorbed into Israel, a country no larger than the state of New Jersey.

The Arab - Israeli Conflict

The Arabs are represented by 8 separate nations, not including the Palestinians. There is only one Jewish nation.

The Arab nations initiated all 5 wars and lost. Israel defended itself each time and won. The PLO's Charter STILL calls for the destruction of the State of Israel.

Israel has given the Palestinians most of the West Bank land, autonomy under the Palestinian Authority, and has supplied them with weapons. Under Jordanian rule, Jewish holy sites were desecrated and the Jews were denied access to places of worship.

Under Israeli rule, all Muslim and Christian sites have been preserved and made accessible to people of all faiths.

The UN Record on Israel and the Arabs

Of the 175 Security Council resolutions passed before 1990,
97 were directed against Israel.

Of the 690 General Assembly resolutions voted on before 1990, 429 were directed against Israel.

The U.N was silent while 58 Jerusalem Synagogues were destroyed by the Jordanians.

The UN was silent while the Jordanians systematically desecrated the ancient Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives.

The UN was silent while the Jordanians enforced an apartheid - like policy of Jews from visiting the Temple Mount and the Western Wall.

****These are incredible times. We have to ask what our role should be.

What will we tell our grandchildren we did, when there was a turning point in Jewish destiny, an opportunity to make a difference?

Start now.

Send this to 20 other people you know and ask them to send it to 20 others. Jew and non-Jew, it doesn't matter, for the truth and the cause of peace are universal values we all share.

This is from A Crash Course in Middle East History, which can be found at: www.facts4peace.com

DODGING A BULLET

This comes from Edward G Gohn who terms it a 'win-win'. 

DEAR, HAVE YOU SEEN THE METRO SECTION?

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

CLARIFICATIONS OF CORPORATE STRUCTURE

"Now THIS is both clever and funny. and I hadn't seen it before! Hope you haven't either," says Stargirl

THE PECKING ORDER

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Talks with God

PRESIDENT
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God if special request is approved

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Is occasionally addressed by God

VICE PRESIDENT
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Swims well
Talks to animals

MANAGER
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Is not issued ammunition
Dog paddles
Talks to walls

SUPERVISOR
Runs into buildings
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times
Wets himself with a water pistol
Can't stay afloat without a life preserver
Mumbles to himself

SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them 
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She is God

MONKEY BUSINESS

Kyletta Miller is responsible for inflicting this on us!

A GUY WALKS INTO A BAR WITH HIS PET MONKEY

He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little varmint. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Now what?" responds the patron.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeep.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

KITCHEN SIGNS

"At least there is not a sign in my kitchen stating; Tetanus shot required before entering this area. It's still safe. Come on down," writes Sonja.

LET'S FRAME IT & HANG IT IN THE KITCHEN

1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is
delirious.

2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

4. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

5. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

6. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

7. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall
never cease to be amused.

8. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

9. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

10. Housework done properly can kill you.

11. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and
gone on to lead normal lives.

12. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

THE LAST WORD

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?

WIFE: That sounds like a great idea!!! Why don't you stand
at the sink and do the dishes and I'll lay on the sofa and belch.

(submitted by Stargirl)

Join me tomorrow for Some of the Best. Sleep warm.

                          RM 12/1/00 Previously unpublished

THE DAYS OF THE DANCING, 1980